As painless as possible, please.

 I haven't been talking to myself on this space for some time. 
But I think I've talked alot to myself on my mind and in my heart all these while.

What do I really want with regards to that?
I really have no clue.
Or maybe I have, just that I rather choose to live in self denial.
Gosh, sometimes we are too bounded by rules and what this world wants us to be that....
Forget it.

Wanna upload photos but the server in LJ getting to tortoise mode. Next time then.

This birthday feels weird, honestly.

Feels quiet. Not that I don't enjoy serenity, but. I don't know. Haha.
Just feeling sore that you can't remember, perhaps. Or you deliberately do this to me. Whatever it is... Oh well.

I just need a break I guess.

Happy birthday Selina,
please get well soon cos' I know you are brave.

Life kinda suck, but oh well. I know I will be okay. :)
Sometimes you just have to learn to ignore.

Losing heart though.

It's not a FML moment. It's a heartbroken one.

Just by persuading with reason & rationale will work in this place. It will work EVERYWHERE. This is what I hold on to strongly. There are bound to be periods of self-doubt, but I always tell myself that it's gonna work out in the end.

Why am I not confident to say that to myself this time?
Only 14 days. 2 very short weeks since we have 15 more to go. I am not disappointed or wronged for once or twice. On countless occasions I questioned myself whether I should do something different. Whether I should take action or not. Today was really the ultimate, considering of the serious warning I passed on yesterday.

Anger was for the first 5 minutes. What came after that was disappointment, but more significantly, self-questioning, self-reflection, emotional struggle within myself, and confusion.

The question is. What should I do? Bend my principles, stop believing in what I thought was the best way, and start conforming to what the rest had been persuading me to do?

It's not that I can't.....

At moments like this when I want to find somebody to talk to, I realise my mind often came to a blank. The friend that I'd share all these nonsense with is not anywhere in my mind anymore.

You have to do this yourself mate, c'mon. I need to get a grip of myself and do what's necessary.

Sigh.

 Do you know what it feels like to get cramps but cramps don't come? I mean on the legs. That happened to me at the 19km point and I keep stopping to stretch. Zzzz. But well, kinda accomplished since I only walked for around 1km+ LOL.

Head still spinning, mucus still exiting from nose, throat still hurting, can't feel my legs on my body, but tmr is still my 2nd batch's enlistment date. This batch is going to be _____ since I'm holding a thousand high keys and rumours had been spreading around saying I might be the next 2IC. I hope rumours stay as rumours, cos' what I want is to finish the batch in January and go for another lull so I can prepare my kids for FAC and whatever there is to come.

Argh. Whatever. I wanna ORD, please.

6months minus 1day EXACTLY TO ORD!

 1. 

ZHIYUAN FLEW OFF ALREADY! :((
Nobody to laugh at her jokes, one less kaki to watch movie with for the year. Come back fast fast!


2. 


Well. AGI is always AGI, so... Haha. But AGI is always the best time to catch up with everyone. JUST THAT I DIDNT SEE SENG. HOW CAN?!
But the march past is different this year! Good change, \m/

3. yeah Yufan's gna comment again, but, MY FACE OMG.

4. Oh I met shili and Ting today. SOUP SPOON YEAH. \m/ And I didn't shop!
But still, I wanna buy alot of things eh. I should create a shopping list now!

a) Wallet. My wallet is gng to break down sooon... Topman wallets quite cheap nowadays ah. Saw something I like at 19bucks. gna buy near december.
b) Teeshirts. YES I GOT ALOT. but, which guy would ever think he got a lot of teeshirts? Yeah \m/
c) BAG. Maybe I'll get a crumpler next year. Its like, a university staple item! Although Im sure if serena's around she'll say its so common yadad yadda. But for this year I feel like getting a canvas bag. Those that I can sling and tote. Hmm alright!
d) SHOES. Again who will ever complain that his shoe cabinet doesn't have space?! BUY A NEW SHOE CABINET.
e) I think I need to read. Imma buy some nonfiction and accompany me during the post-high key BMT period.
f) ELVA'S NEW ALBUM. Not out I know but by the time my confinement period ends, YAY!!!!!!
Okay after all, I'm still very materialistic, like yongxiang. Talking about him, I met up with my pltmates last week too! :D But photos not nice, not posting!

5. Went to find qingjun sir to help shili run her errands. Met the sec 1s too. Found some potential problems but well, maybe not so serious if we can contain it now. Very sincere and determined to value-add this platoon since I missed out on the prime times of their snrs. Hopefully this platoon can become what I imagine them to be.

6. Met LEONGKAHLUN that bitch. So nice of him to treat me NTUC sushi huh. Please study hard! Real sushi and sashimi meal soon! :)

7. Meeting my previous recruits (with some hair now) tmr and on saturday! Section 2 tmr, section 3 saturday! :)

8. I like Hebe's and Lala's new albums.

9. Selamat Hari Raya! Last PH before AHM bitch on sunday and Enlistment on monday! :(

10. Settled all corps business! So shili jiayou! LOL. Left brochure, which I'll finish tmr!

11. 6 MORE MONTHS TO ORD! GOGOGO!

 I really really dread this feeling of going back camp and doing work. It's like, I don't know. Feels like sjab when I was in sec 1, feels like booking in for BMT, feels like it. Yea that feeling of phobia... But oh well.

Time to book in, 2LT Loo Wen Bin, Platoon Commander 4.

Your recruits are coming in next week, time to settle down, get away from family friends and SJAB for a while, and get back to your real work for these 2 years.